I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
