how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
