Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
