you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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