$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize