From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
