Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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