dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
