Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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