In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
