I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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