i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
