We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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