Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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