i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
