This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
