I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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