mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
