Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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