Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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