All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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