I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
