now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
