i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
