Is it because I queefed?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
