you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
