Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
