Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
