I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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