I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
