is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
