peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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