so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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