Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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