I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
