did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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