Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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