I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
