Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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