Got a toothbrush?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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