Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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