youre lurking in front of me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
