No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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