the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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