Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
