Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
