It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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