He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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