Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
