Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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