I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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