Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
even my farts smell like vagina
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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