You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
