i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You can't just leave with hair like that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
