ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
