Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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