Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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