we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
